To sprinkle happy dust on each one of you;
The happiness of a heart indulgently steeped in warmth, generosity and love.
Lots of love,
Genie xxx

Genre: Drama
Director: Miss E
Producer: Moirae
Cast: Miss E, the significant ones, and a few random cameos

Soundtrack highlights:
Outro lugar, Bob Sinclar featuring Salome De Bahia
Taj mahal, Bob Sinclar featuring Salome De Bahia
Sunrise, Afterlife
Blower's daughter, Damien Rice
Saturday night, Suede
Goodbye my lover, James Blunt
I'll be seeing you, Billie Holiday
Modern romance, Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Joey, Concrete Blonde

Synopsis:
A tale about a displaced twenty-six year old's wrestles with love, taking root, and the happiness that always seems just a step ahead.

E begins her 6th month in Singapore missing magnolias and macchiatos. She learns to cope with help from new-found friends who make Singapore feel like Miami; and Velvet like Studio 54. Together, the people who love her, and whom she loves back, weave a cushy cocoon around her - in it she recoils from heartlander crowds, bus drivers, and Mediacorp programming. For a while this seems enough. The lychee martinis and double-billed weekends dissolve away the frustration she has with distance, expectations, and inertia. But when this tapestry of rosiness starts to fray, E finds herself battling ambivalence in every aspect of her life.

9 months pass and E has finally wormed out of the emotional shithole in which she single-handedly had sentenced herself and the people who cared. She embarks on a journey to find her heart back, the one she’d kept away so long ago.

She starts to get her pulse back when she meets a fellow traveller; one who likes stencil art and Yeah Yeah Yeahs. One night while lying on their backs, they talk about jumping ship, resolutions and 2006 (a romantic comedy in the making). There is hope yet.

Christmas is best spent with those who matter most.
For the ones who are elsewhere,
Know that I'm missing you.

It's very natural to descend into a mudpool of self-doubt
When a string of relationships end either prematurely, tragically, or before they even begin.
It used to be the simplest way to get on after a break-up -
Blame it on the guy, attach faults to him like needles on a voodoo doll.
These days I'm finding it a little trickier.
When things aren't going like creamy peanut butter on fresh white bread,
I'm more likely to 1. think about bailing; followed by 2. be struck by a momentary streak of guilt for being a compulsive impulsive quitter; then 3. think if it's really me.
As I walked out of an ex's front door for the last time 2 years ago, he told me that I'd never find another person to love me for all my crazy quirks and temperament.
I was a little more than just shaken. Definitely stirred too.
Not in the least by the audacity this guy displayed right after I'd found out that he'd been cheating on me.
But I was starting to worry that he had a point. A good one too.
*
In the split second - you have a choice of stepping on the accelerator or brakes.
I'd choose the brakes.
*
I subscribe to the view that if it's really right,
You wouldn't feel that compromising is an effort.
I'd take panda eyes, limited wardrobe space, sweaty mornings and Velvet abstinance
Without a blink.
*

The older you get
The easier it is for you to walk away from relationships
Before they climax in full gore.
But sometimes, ever so seldom,
You pause.
Sometimes you find a reason good enough
To revert to the sado-masochistic altruism of your puppydog teenage years.
Staying power. The demonstration of mock-adulthood sensibility.
It's about not walking out at the first hint of trouble. It's about working things out.
Yea whatever.

The cross-continent dreams have started again.
I dreamt of green pastures that we'd pass on the drive to Yarra Valley, tram tracks, the city grid, orange headlights shining through fog.
*
This Christmas I wish I could be in New York with the best friend.
No matter that it's slushy and freezing.
*
You always know.
Right at the bottom of your gut
You can feel it there.
Are you making a mistake?
*
Am I?
*

Hesitation.
The foot is raised, then dropped.
The last time I ran with chance the stars were shining bright in early June.
Procrastinate.
And that moment passes you by.
~
I've walked up hills to kneel before the golden buddha;
And spelt my options out on a powerpoint slide hoping for strategic insight.
But the answer alludes me.
As does grit.
~

It's December and the skies are clearer than they were in May.
Some days you wake up and the world seems covered in a spiritless shade of nondescript grey.
~
If only we'd both seen the comical angle in that situation.
Then perhaps I wouldn't have felt my insides churn like there'd been a dramatic shift in the earth's tectonic plates.
Perhaps some years later we'd laugh.
Yes, time. It'll have to do for now.
~
How soon is too soon?
Will grocery shopping, Ikea, folding freshly laundered sheets, sunday breakfast
Ever be the same?
~