I've been weepy lately. In meetings, on the phone, while thinking. It's almost uncontrollable, and I can't possibly attribute every eccentricity to hormones. I've been so quiet I feel like I could disappear. I've been hit with a sudden pang of compassion, nostagia and filial piety. I've resented the unfair circumstances facing people I love, and felt helplessly useless. I've been driven to tears by a desperate sense of frustration. I've recalled 15 year-old promises, and been compelled to meet them. I've played big sister to my big sister. I've had strange dreams, dreams I'd not been in. I've searched for old friends, and tried to make up for lost time. I've been eating breakfast, because a breakfast person is a functional person in the mornings. I've craved for natural light, because it's dark when I step out of the door. I've smiled about peculiar serendipity, and hoped for more to come my way. I've bought mauve lillies and flirted with the florist. I've been awed by Louise Rhodes at the Palace. I've renewed overdue friendships and received postcards.

My quotient is missing some major factors. I've been having dreams about all the what-ifs I'd chosen not to explore. I've had time to mull over it, in between sleep, underwear style codes, wake, and to Neil Halstead. It feels like winter already.
I walked around the house quietly relishing the lethargy. I smoked, cursed at the rain, sniggered at the dog, ate lunch over the sink, and roasted a chicken. The melancholia has arrived prematurely. I tried to remedy it by making bruchetta. I think tomatoes are happy fruits. Almost too explicitly loud for my mood. I don't like them very much. I had Hope Sandoval echoing through the glass doors while I sat on the rain-stained benches outside.

Toyed with:
--> tight-rope walking on power lines.
--> hurling sneakers over power lines.
--> old men in spiffy cars.
--> keeping old near-blind women off the roads.

Enjoyed:
--> wine, coffee and a noticeably subtle haircut.
--> pipis and fish for dinner.
--> GTs. 1 part Bombay Sapphire, 2 parts tonic water, 2 slices of lemon with extra juice squeezed in.
-->surprise phonecalls: from places I'd left, people I'd left behind.

Marvelled at:
--> 23. A time to get sentimental about childhood friends, memories, naivety. Or maybe:
--> Work. How it makes you sentimental about better times, simpler times.
--> Narcissism and masochism.

Was proactive about:
--> Stopping the ice-cream man. I'd let him go by the whole summer.
--> Enriching my soul. With sunlight, good food, the back yard, and my dog.
--> Playing the piano again. My magic keys.