Sometimes I turn the music up really loud
Just so I can't hear myself think.
*
Fifteen months and three-hour long conversations
Amounted to nothing.
Things you can't quantify: love, happiness, grief.
Things you can quantify: sacrifice, memories, the time it takes to heal.
*
I remember as a teenager I mastered (and often practised) the art of holding back tears.
My mother used to think I was rather indifferent to the world around me
Because I didn't cry.
Now I've grown up and the tears find their own way out -
By the side of the road, in cabs, at my work desk, in the bath, elevator.
*
Every relationship takes away a piece of you.
When all's been said and done,
You both go your own ways.
But invariably, you leave something of yours behind with that person.
A squint, laugh, book, cds, the piece of your heart that was wrenched out.
Maybe that's why people ask for their ashes to be scattered in the sea;
Let the water carry them to all the pieces they'd left around the world,
And find the way back to being whole again.
*
Lately I find myself saying sorry alot.
I wish I could have done some things differently.
But you can't change what's past.
Just like I can't change the horse inside.
*