I feel like I haven't slept at all.
I'm indecisive. And vague.
Last night I'd thought a few g&t's would put out the fire in me.
Instead I found myself drained but still burning for a fight.
I made it to the driveway, then pullled out again.
The stairway light had been left on - it was the Men's Club Tuesday night carousal.
I drove to the weekly venue, circled the car park.
Of course the black Subaru was nowhere in sight.
Questioning the motive in such a meaningless exercise-
(1) Everything is a means to the desired end;
(2) The end is as likely to be logical, as it is irrational;
(3) The course of action is always calculated.
The last time I spun around like a broken ferris wheel,
A thousand hypotheses, designs, conjectures, flung at frantic freefall.
This time I dismissed the hissing vengeance.
And allowed in its place a sense of quiet calm.
~
Last night I dreamt that I fell asleep at the wheel while taking the bend from Hoddle St onto the Eastern Freeway.
In stubborn drowsiness I panicked when I felt my car leave the road surface.
Battling heavy eyelids and uncooperative response mechanisms
I choked on fear and helplessness.
In apparent perfunctory haphazardness the car landed back on the road,
And off I drove, still reeling from shock.
~
Sat in the sun at lunch,
On prickly dry grass, amongst dormant magnolia trees.
Pushing twigs into the ground
We talked about white picket fences and hanging up the tarty shoes.
~