On my way from the Ritz Carlton (where i spent 2 very frightfully blurry nights) to the Jakarta airport this morning, it occurred to me that I have become annoyingly lazy of late. Too lazy to make plans or remember to care, letting questions or moments of curiosity drift by freely, not being bothered about keeping in touch with the things I really like.
So in effort to pacify the nagging exasperation at myself, I've decided to start a new project. I'll note down the things that I google (specifically - out of genuine curiosity).
Today's entries:
Remedy for smelly down pillows
Tyler Brûlé (crazy double accent!) & Monocle's Most Livable Cities List 2009
Other new projects I've started this year:
#1 - rekindling this blog
#2 - Dear Posh's virgin flea market experience
The roads to airports always feel the same. Lonely, solemn, depressing. Especially when there are highways over bodies of water. It doesn't matter where I am - across the Hang Gang, driving past Soviet-style apartment blocks in Beijing, or down Sydney Road at night. The stillness of it all always tugs. Lightly, but enough to cause moments of reflection, moments of utter loneliness.
Feeling particularly upbeat and go-getting today. Despite the rain, the broken air-conditioning, and a general lack of interest in the work I'm supposed to be doing.
A series of random pics - neatly arranged pins I saw in this morning's meeting room/ me and Kiki the guinea pig/ crappy pic of Kraftwerk.
It's a pretty piece, but what's simply marveling is the amount of time and pain it must have taken.
Firekites - AUTUMN STORY - chalk animation from Lucinda Schreiber on Vimeo.
He said,
'The fact that you're counting means you're not over it.'
6 months, I said.
These days the anger is waning. I still get sad when I talk about it, but I'm much more at peace now. I just wish I could erase it. Like Joel & Clementine did. To delete a chapter in my life and live like it never happened.
I've almost forgotten how his face looks. I see it in other people - on vimeo, at clubs, in myself. It's amazing how something that was once so familiar can become so foreign. So much love, dissolved into nothing. Nothing but a strangely familiar yet removed, surreal association. Flashbacks of homemade cocktail silliness, anger contained in a studio apartment, bright sunny days by the beach. Flashes of light, of graininess, of absolute love.
I've stopped wanting to hide. I've almost outgrown my hat obsession and ipod loneliness. Although I'm still struggling a little with staying in bed under seasoned white cotton sheets with Sigur Ros.
So yes. I still miss him. Holding his face between my palms, counting the moles, sitting across each other with our feet on the other's chair.
But it will pass. I know.
It sure as hell doesn't make it any easier. Blind faith, I once heard someone say.
Clever and sweet.
Mountain Goats - Woke Up New (Directed by Rian Johnson) from rcjohnso on Vimeo.